“You had me at Hello” just doesn’t have the same effect.

Most of my blogs tend to cover great defining moments in life where big decisions were made or an experience impressed upon me the need to vent via virtual ink. It’s not that my life has suddenly become mundane or flavorless, much like plain oatmeal – good, healthy and yet unremarkable to the palate of life. No, no….those who know me and understand how my world spins, know that the ebb and flow of “adventure” in my world is as constant as the sun sets and rises each day. I’d like to blame others and chance but really let’s be honest I have a quirky sense of life that often shows up as life “lessons” or just plain old haphazard non-sense. Does this make me weird or odd…….probably, in fact most definitely. But who says that’s bad? Maybe it’s the proverbial “they” that everyone seems so eager to define. Who is “they” anyway?

People whose life’s current has ceased and become stagnant leaves little to desire in my eyes. Stagnancy suggests stunted growth and our worlds will collide. Reading, writing, fitness, cooking, golfing, soccer, taekwondo etc are all expressions of relationship in someway or a level of understanding my purpose, my plan with thought and clarity. These are just a few of the tools in which provide me life, giving circulation to my being. I rarely if ever talk about my personal life in simple form, most times I present my thoughts with obscurity, wit and humour and leave the reality in a blurred picture to maintain some degree of anonymity and yet today I will speak plainly…..or I shall try anyways……….who am I kidding of course I won’t – where’s the fun in that ๐Ÿ™‚

ONLINE DATING

This is such a weird concept to me. So foreign and yet it’s becoming more and more prevalent. So without giving offence to those who find success and a sense of comfort within the system, allow me some grace to relate my experience – which by the way is still premature due to this very concept.

Phase One: Business and Marketing – This reinforces my personal opinion that this process is much like online shopping. Insert a personal tagline for labeling, life status and vitals for ingredients and finally compatibility tests for nutrition value. Upon submission of a few photos, an awkward description that will be used as the “bait” to hook someone in and finally labelling this profile with a catchy and witty tag line, one is ready to enter Phase Twoconsumerism at its Best” Shop Shop Shop. Forgive the pun to the ever so popular website more known for its “services sought after” rather than anything relational beyond the physical. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!! (insert hands in the air in an exasperated expression of the pathetic) I will say that there have been a few that are gentlemen unfortunately this is few and far between.

With a swipe of the finger and a press of a hotkey, smiles and winks have never been so easy to give. This is by far the most foreign concept for me to grasp. Mail order dates. I will admit that my girlfriends have enjoyed a glass of wine and sent many a regrettable winks. It’s ok though nothing that a delete button can’t fix. It’s been about a month of this experience and out of all the emails, winks, smiles, hi-fives – I’ve responded to maybe a handful. The process is very methodical and awkward on one side and yet kind of mysterious on another. I like the old-fashioned way of face to face contact and interpersonal experiences but then again this is me attempting keeping up with the times.

Phase Three: Process of Elimination as per Jennel

1. Tag line, if it’s just plain old retarded, has a beer brand, a fish reference, or any words that rhyme or sound like stars in the heaven and stealing hearts – all will result with automatic NO responses.

2.. The pic can be deceiving and yet intriguing…….yet if you have a fish on it, a dead animal, an ex girlfriend, a duck face, or look like a stalker/pedophile it will be blocked.

3. If your shorter than 5’10 – sorry I like to wear heels when I go out.

4. Activities and description: I am a trainer. I have a social/physical/relational job. I look for someone who actively experiences life via sports, family (either kids or importance of extended family), hobbies, faith, interests and some sense of enjoyment in their job. On a personal note….. hockey is high up on the list in my views ๐Ÿ˜‰

5. If you smoke it’s an automatic NO same with admittance to drugs as well as moderate to often amounts of alcohol.

6. If you live outside of the country or even outside of my comfortable travel zone. Extended-Long distance relationships just don’t work. I like a physical person in which to see and communicate.

Phase Four: CONTACT – this is quite the occasion as truth is I don’t respond to most emails and extreme few has made it to this process. This usually consists of chit-chat and niceties OR in some cases straight to the point matter of factness. Either mutual wit, humor or common interests fuels the fire via email or phone calls till early hours in the morning and from there enters Phase Five: Sampling of the goods – Ok so enough with the emails, texts and winkie faces. Now we meet over a cup of coffee. I see you. You see me. Ugly lights and all – Da, da Dahhhhhhh!!! (Click Here For Scary Music Insert)The test of truth one might say ๐Ÿ™‚ But it is from here that the spark ignites, heat stains the cheeks and that horrid teenage giggle errupts……That very same giggle that makes my nerves twinge with pain when I hear it from my own lovely and flirtatious 8-year-old. Like mother, like daughter?…… Please NO!!!!!

Whether you make a new friend, avoid a disaster or start a new beginning, online dating has its merit. This blog is by no means opposed to online dating, just the old-fashioned me making fun of a process that has yet to make sense to me. If you do choose to online date, be safe, be smart and be picky. The virtual world has many masks and until a personal connection is made be that someone who desires respect and value. Trust me, their worth the wait – your worth the wait.

Happy Shopping ๐Ÿ™‚

2 thoughts on ““You had me at Hello” just doesn’t have the same effect.

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